| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2007|07:28 pm] |
When you get your heart broken…
You feel crushed. Dead. Stupid. Hurt. You spend hours blaming yourself, then blaming him, then blaming her. You feel no joy from shopping, or laughing, or eating and you feel no pain from bad news or a stubbed toe. You feel animosity and hate and sometimes even forgiveness and then you come to the realization that trust is broken. It’s gone forever and so is the person you thought you loved. Don’t miss him, because you are missing someone who is gone forever. He will never be your hero, your rock, your shield again. You will never tell him things as freely as you did. You will never again look into his eyes and know, with certainty that he doesn’t look at someone else the same way. You will never love him the way you did before.
When you get your heart broken…
The people who you least expect to support you, do. Remarkably, the ones that you have had casual exchanges with, or small conversations with, the ones who aren’t on your top 8 or 12 or 16 help you just as much as your best friends. You feel close to people you once had nothing in common with because your invincibility has been shot. You no longer just listen to other people about their problems in love and in their lives, you understand them, you empathize with what they are going through and for the first time in your life you accept the fact that yes, it can happen to you. And of course, your faith in your best friends becomes even stronger as they kick your ass out of bed and make you meet new people. And when you fall, they hand you a tissue or just give you some tough love over the phone, and make you smile like you never thought you would again.
When you get your heart broken…
You learn you are okay alone. You are just as wonderful, just as smart, just as pretty, as you were with him. You learn to ride the ups and downs and you learn to be strong and stay strong. At first, you think it’s impossible to go for a day without hearing their voice, but then you do it again and again and it becomes routine. Your life no longer revolves around someone else’s prerogative or schedule. You do what you want to do. Day by day, you get happier just spending time with you. And it gets easier. It really does get easier.
So don’t feel sorry for me or confused about why, because in the end it really doesn’t matter why. I am above the situation, I am above him, and them and I know that I will never look back. I feel no hatred, no jealousy, just strength— and even that is getting stronger every day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|04:31 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Z-Ro & Trae - Let me Live my Life | ] |
Forgiveness is something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. Actually, I haven't struggled with it at all, I just haven't ever seen the rationality behind it. Why forgive when you can move on? Why set yourself up for disapointment? People don't change, not really they don't. One chance, one mistake- that's it we're over, you're over, get up, get out.
But lately, through this whole therapy thing with my Mom, I've tried a different approach. I went physically through the motion of telling her - I forgive you. And even though I didn't mean it at the time, I told her I did. And the last month has been a slice of heaven. We spent time together, worked out together, talked together. She giggled with me about her first date with Fred. I dragged her onto every rollercoaster at Six Flags and she loved it. It's just been fabulous.
So maybe forgiveness is possible for me. Maybe I can let it go. Maybe I have more to gain then I do to lose. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|12:33 am] |
i guess this conversation pretty much describes our whole year long relationship. he cant even spell out p-l-e-a-s-e...ugh
( Read more... ) |
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| But Lord knows that this world is cruel, and I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool |
[May. 25th, 2006|05:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jack Johnson | ] |
As Graduation nears, I become more and more depressed about the whole thing. One year. That's all I have. Half of me wants to rush out and do everything I can possibly do in school, over the summer. The other half is still in shock of how close the "end" really is.
This whole year I've been praying fo May 25th and now it's here and I want to just pause this whole thing... I want to go to college, to meet new people, to start MY life so badly but I can't imagine leaving this life behind. And yet this life is leaving me behind. My friends are leaving, and it will never be the same. Nothing will. How do I go through my senior year without my senior friends? Everything is wrong.
It's too soon. Why can't it just wait. Just a little longer...til I'm ready. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2006|10:15 pm] |
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As of yesterday, we've had 6 cheerleading coaches in 5 years at Connally High School. It can't be that difficult to find someone willing to stay for at the very least two years! And most of the time these "coaches" aren't exactly up to par with the other coaches in the area. We've had a drill team coach (this year), a drill sargeant, a pushover whose DAUGHTER was a cheerleader before but never a true, give-it-their all, work us till we drop..err um FULL DOWN... COACH. I think our current sponser quitting is truly a blessing in disguise. Yes, she is nice and sweet and easy to talk to blah blah...but she will never push us to where we need to be. Eugenia and I went to talk to Mr.Garcia (our awesome principal) today about our new coach. He listened and even agreed to include us (the seniors) in the interview process. I can't wait for summer to get started, to get the squad in shape, and to start competing :) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2006|11:03 pm] |
I WANT YOU
TO VOTE ERIN CASEY FOR YOUR SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT!<B |
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| for your entertainment... |
[May. 4th, 2006|07:16 pm] |
Go to images.google.com for this one. Type in your answers to the questions below, then post the first image result (or first postable one if the first pic is down or something).
1. First Car
2. Place you grew up.
3. Where you live now.
4. What shows up when you type your name.
5. Favorite Drink
6. Favorite Food
7. Favorite Artist
( Read more... ) |
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| I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons ... |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|10:27 pm] |
finnally content with the life i regret.
I've found you've found strength in your moments of weakness,
for once I'm at peace with myself.
I've been burdened with blame
trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|11:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the veronicas---leave me alone | ] |
soo i was trying to find a way to go to the rally
and talking about it
about why i havent been in so long
and then
i remembered why i dont go to rallies in the first place
and
changed my mind.
whew...major crisis averted |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|06:30 pm] |
-SAT
-ACT
-AP English, US History
-3000 word essay on "woes of alcohal"
-defensive driving
-AA class
-ACC enrollment for summer
-SPCA schedule |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 19th, 2006|10:41 pm] |
sooo i miss YRUU
whens the next event? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|04:17 am] |
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Just got my bellybutton peirced. I didn't freak out, cry or even flinch. Yes. Will attempt to post pictures later :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|02:07 pm] |
clingyis a five letter word.
that i despise. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2006|11:14 am] |
one is everything i need.
but he is everything i want. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2005|01:48 am] |
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HOW CAN ONE PERSON BE IN SUCH INFINITE UNENDING PAIN |
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